


A/W 2017 Fic Submissions: 「untitled」edition

by oviparous



Series: Official Arashi Fan-fiction [5]
Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2019-01-20 07:45:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12428142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oviparous/pseuds/oviparous
Summary: Arashi and their management are the forerunners of 'official fan-fiction', fiction which the boys write themselves to feed their fans' wildest desires. These are some emails they exchange while submitting fic for the autumn/winter cycle of 2017.





	A/W 2017 Fic Submissions: 「untitled」edition

To: **Arashi (all members)**

From:  **Head Manager**

Subject:  **A/W 2017 Fic Submissions: 「untitled」edition**

Hi guys. Just a friendly reminder that the album is going on sale 10/18, which means you have until the end of this week to submit your fics. I know collaborative works can be a pain and some of you don’t like writing yourselves in fic, but we figured it’d make more sense for you to work within your units since you guys are already working on a song together.

Good luck.

PS. We’ve revised the rating system. We ask that you label accordingly. You can find out more about how to rate your fic here.

PPS. You don’t have to specify character count anymore. Apparently, length doesn’t matter as long as you guys keep on lavishing explicit fantasies on fans?

 

***

To: **Head Manager**

From:  **Ohno Satoshi**  
Cc: **Sho, Aiba-chan, Nino, Matsujun**

Subject:  **Bazuri NIGHT presents**

Hi, here’s our submission.

-

 _Title:_  The time we ran out of ideas  
_Writers/Relationships:_ Ohno Satoshi/Sakurai Sho/Aiba Masaki  
_Rating:_  Explicit

 _Summary:_  Ohno, Aiba and Sakurai were supposed to talk about what they wanted to do for their unit song, but their discussion wasn’t moving forward, so they decided to have sex instead.

 **Attachment(s):** shocomesnoisily(1).docx

* * *

To: **Leader**

From:  **Jun Matsumoto**

Subject:  **Re: Bazuri NIGHT presents**

Leader, heads up - it’s supposed to be fiction. You know that, right?

* * *

To: **Matsujun**

From:  **Ohno Satoshi**

Subject:  **Re: Re: Bazuri NIGHT presents**

Oh, we mixed all the stuff up. Whoever was written as having done something, didn't do it. Like, the plug was actually Aiba-chan’s, not mine, and he didn’t get Sho off; I did. It’s not all what you see. I’d say that’s imagination at work?

* * *

To: **Leader**

From:  **Jun Matsumoto**

Subject:  **Re: Re: Re: Bazuri NIGHT presents**

So you're saying... Shit, I thought Aiba-kun was the only one in our group with an armpit fetish!

* * *

To: **Matsujun**

From:  **Ohno Satoshi**

Subject:  **Re: Re: Re: Re: Bazuri NIGHT presents**

:X

 

***

To: **Head Manager**

From:  **Sakurai Sho**  
Cc: **Matsumoto Jun, Ohno Satoshi, Aiba Masaki, Ninomiya Kazunari**

Subject:  **by Team Come**

This is ours.

-

 _Title:_  The Found  
_Writers/Relationships:_ Sakurai Sho/Matsumoto Jun  
_Rating:_  Explicit

 _Summary:_  An android prince. A vampire orphan-tutor. They’re in space, and they’re in love, but will they last in the face of a zombie apocalypse?

 **Attachment(s):** untitled get it rofl.rtf

Best regards  
Sakurai Sho

* * *

To: **Head Manager, Sho-chan**

From:  **M. Aiba**  
Cc: **Mattsun, Leader, Nino**

Subject:  **NOT COOL, TEAM COME**

Yo did you guys just plagiarise the shit out of one very prolific Sho/Jun author on AO3?

* * *

To: **Aiba Masaki**

From:  **Head Manager**

Subject:  **Your plagiarism complaint**

Hi, Aiba-kun. Re: your email - could you please elaborate?

* * *

To: **Head Manager**

From:  **M. Aiba**

Subject:  **Re: Your plagiarism complaint**

Yeah so on the English side of fandom there’s this author, she’s written over a hundred Arashi fics and half of them are Sho/Jun. They copped her ideas, sort of put the plots into the blender then wrote them in Japanese - I think it that counts as stealing?

You can check her out here.

* * *

To: **Sakurai Sho, Matsumoto Jun**

From:  **Head Manager**

Subject:  **Plagiarism complaint**

Hi guys, is Aiba-kun’s claim true? We’ll investigate, and if you’re truly guilty, we’re sorry but you have to rewrite your fic.

* * *

To: **Sho Sakurai**

From:  **Jun Matsumoto**

Subject:  **I TOLD YOU SO.**

‘It’s gonna be fine because the originals are in English’, MY ASS.

* * *

To: **Matsumoto Jun**

From:  **Sakurai Sho**

Subject:  **Re: I TOLD YOU SO.**

How was I supposed to know Aiba-kun ships us so bad he reads the English fics?!

And it’s not plagiarism, it’s just… inspired.

Best regards  
Sakurai Sho

* * *

To: **Maa-kun, Captain**

From:  **Ninomiya the Dance God**

Subject:  **Re: MY OTP RUINED MY OTP**

I hear you Aiba-kun, but you know they had really tight schedules in the summer. And Sho-chan didn’t just copy and paste, he actually took the time to translate the words. That counts for something, IMO. The guy had to film a drama and a movie, host Music Day and 24HTV, and he still had to write the damn fic. And Massan wrote the bulk of the three-way with me and Oh-chan, so it wasn't like he was super free either.

Now tell me: how do you manage to read the English fics?

* * *

From:  **M. Aiba**

To:  **Nino, Leader**

Subject:  **Re: Re: MY OTP RUINED MY OTP**

:( #justiceforastrangerenters

I use bing, mostly

 

***

To: **Head Manager, Arashi (ANOS)**

From:  **Jun Matsumoto**

Subject:  **Submission: Ohno/Ninomiya/Matsumoto**

Sorry about the weirdness re: Team Come’s fic. We’ll take care of it. Meanwhile, here’s the fic from Leader, Nino and me.

-

 _Title:_  Trinity Company  
_Writers/Relationships:_ Ohno Satoshi/Ninomiya Kazunari/Matsumoto Jun  
_Rating:_  Teen and Up

 _Summary:_  A high school teacher, a genius chef, and a time-travelling ninja experience the greatest hardship of their lives: learning ballet.

 **Attachment(s):** 2017 Arashi Movie Lead Actors Crossover Epic.docx

* * *

To: **Matsumoto Jun**

From:  **Sakurai Sho**

Subject:  **Compliments**

Okay so I’ve read your ballet fic and I understand why you didn’t have time to do ours. I grudgingly admit - it IS epic.

Question: Did you guys choose ballet just so you could write that bit about leotards ‘leaving little to the imagination’?

Best regards  
Sakurai Sho

* * *

To: **Sho Sakurai**

From:  **Jun Matsumoto**

Subject:  **Re: Compliments**

Well, Nino did suggest synchronised swimming with obscenely tight trunks, but Leader wanted a more subtle effect.

* * *

To: **Matsumoto Jun, Sakurai Sho**

From:  **Head Manager**

Subject:  **Re: Submission: Ohno/Ninomiya/Matsumoto**

Hi guys. We’ve come to a consensus - ‘Teen and Up’ isn’t a suitable rating for your fic. Please consider upping it to ‘Mature’, otherwise remove the section you’ve dedicated to how Mumon/Ohno-kun perfected his splits. Thanks.

 

***

To: **Head Manager**  
Cc: **Jun-kun, Sho-chan, Maa-kun, Captain**

From:  **Ninomiya the Dance God**

Subject:  **UB’s**

We weren’t told not to include the others.

-

 _Title:_ B・WC・WB・EF・M  
_Writers/Relationships:_ Aiba Masaki (writer)/Ninomiya Kazunari (writer)/Matsumoto Jun/Sakurai Sho/Ohno Satoshi  
_Rating:_  Explicit

 _Summary:_  If you’re the one who surrounds us with showers // If you’re the one who washes away the trivialities // What about them // Who are they // They’re // a part of our UB

 **Attachment(s):** orgy in bathroom.doc

* * *

To: **Head Manager, Nino, Aiba-chan, Sho, Matsujun**

From:  **Ohno Satoshi**

Subject:  **Re: UB’s**

Aw. 'M'. I’m the mirror? <3

* * *

To: **Ninomiya Kazunari**

From:  **Sakurai Sho**

Subject:  **Re: UB’s**

Why am I the exhaust fan?!

Best regards  
Sakurai Sho

**Author's Note:**

> This is all very tongue in cheek, as usual. I tried to make it as uncomfortable as possible. :D Also I personally asked @astrangerenters whether I could reference her and her work; she said okay! Do check out her fics, they're excellent. ;) ([link](https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrangerenters/pseuds/astrangerenters/works))
> 
> Lastly, please understand I'm not really making fun of ballet. I take ballet twice a week myself and it's one of the hardest things I've ever made my body do! The idea came from last week's Baystorm, when Nino wondered out loud about whether he's actually seen a ballet performance.


End file.
